How Stars got Isla and Jodie back on track - Ormiston Families : Ormiston Families

Angus Jackson’s wife Sandy died in 2021. Here he shares how Ormiston Families’ Stars bereavement counsellors helped his daughters deal with their loss.

When Angus Jackson’s wife Sandy died, the meaning of Father’s Day changed.

Once a day to celebrate with their two daughters – a chance for a special meal and cards for dad – it is now a different affair.

“It’s tricky because by celebrating it, it almost feels like you have to recognise mum isn’t around,” he says.

“The girls are torn between showing me they care and the reality of what has happened.

“We used to celebrate and do nice things on days like that – father’s day, mother’s day, birthdays – but now it feels more like a day to just recognise, not celebrate.”

Angus, from Little Eversden, a sleepy village just south of Cambridge, had been with Sandy for 22 years when she died in July 2021 at the age of 55.

She had been diagnosed with terminal cancer the previous year, leaving Angus, now 51, wondering how teenage daughters Jodie and Isla would handle the news.

Their journey through Sandy’s illness and death would leave them seeking help from a charity whose work Angus is now keen to highlight, in order that other families can benefit.

Diagnosis and lockdown

It wasn’t their first encounter with cancer.

Sandy was first diagnosed with eye cancer in 2014, though doctors told the couple that there was a good chance of recovery.

As a result, the couple decided it was easier not to tell Jodie and Isla, who were just seven and nine at the time.

But when they were delivered the news that she had incurable liver cancer in March 2020 they felt the girls, by then aged 12 and 15, needed to know.

On top of that, the world was just coming to terms with the first Covid lockdown – a coincidence that actually helped, according to Angus.

“In some ways it was lovely,” says Angus. “We had so much time together as a family and we went through it all together. We had a lot of moments of hugging and crying on the sofa, which I think helped in a way.”

But the toll on the girls was obvious, he says.

“They were clearly upset and Isla didn’t want to see her mum looking ill, which of course she did,” he says.

Angus and Sandy talked about the future throughout this period, Sandy urging him and the girls to ‘get on with life’ once she was gone.

But they also realised that their daughters needed support there and then.

The Stars team, Charlotte Burnett, Paula Thexton counsellor, Ann-Marie McKiernan and Melanie Chaplin. Picture: Keith Heppell

Reaching out to Stars

They reached out to Stars Childhood Bereavement, a service run by East of England charity Ormiston Families.

It offers sessions with professional counsellors who offer bereaved children space to talk and understand what they are going through.

The family managed to secure some sessions for both Jodie and Isla before Sandy died, preparing them for what was to come and giving them techniques to help them cope.

But for Isla, the impact of her mother’s death came back even stronger later.

Despite following her mum’s instructions by getting on with life – enjoying time with friends, going horse riding – she began to struggle.

She was dealing with upsetting memories and flashbacks to her mum’s illness.

As the first year following her mum’s death went by, Isla felt the sadness of anniversaries and birthdays coming and going without her mum to share them with.

This sent her into what she calls a depressive state – impacting her school and social life and destroying her confidence.

It was then she started working with Stars manager, Ann-Marie McKiernan, where Isla learned to overcome her anxiety and over-thinking.

She told the charity’s supporters at a celebratory event that working with Stars helped her get back on track.

“I was a bubbly, confident, happy young person looking forward to things, instead of not being able to see a future for myself,” she said.

“Stars gave me the tools to understand why I feel the way I do and a knowledge that it won’t last forever.”

A new perspective

While his daughters processed the experience, Angus was also coming to terms with what his wife’s illness meant for his own life.

“The feeling I had was partly the bloke in me, putting my head in the sand, and then there was a bit of ‘why me?’ and ‘‘how am I going to do this?’.

“I was reasonably hands on as a dad, but Sandy did so much and I felt like it was all going to come down on my shoulders.

“At the same time, I quite quickly realised there’s no reason to it all, we weren’t special or chosen to go through this, we were just unlucky.”

Stars manager, Ann-Marie McKiernan. Picture: Keith Heppell

For Jodie and Isla, the support from Stars has provided a roadmap to a brighter future.

But for Angus, taking up the reins as a single dad is a challenge he has to navigate everyday, making the support from Stars even more valuable.

“I always used to joke that I think I’m a good dad but I’ve got a way to go to be a good mum.

“I am also quite independent in so much as I don’t want to rely on people. You feel like there are people who deserve the support from charities more than us and it took me a while to realise that everybody deserves support at times.”

“I am sure working with Stars helped the girls and me, knowing that they had someone professional to speak to. Just the process of me taking them to someone who knows what they are doing makes things easier.

“They are so good at what they do and they are doing it because they are passionate about it, which gives you a lot of confidence.”

The future

Things will never be the same for the Jackson family after Sandy’s death.

Angus fears he will never refind the happiness they had – but also that he has things to be thankful for.

“I am alive, I have a job, great children and I have so much to be thankful for. Things could be much worse. I’ve got about 30 years to live at least and I intend to enjoy them,” he says.

“But things can be difficult and there are times I can’t see much happiness in my future.

“There’s a lot of pressure dealing with things in life and it can feel like it’s all on my shoulders. “Sometimes I think of what Sandy would be doing and I know that she would just be dealing with all this.”

This piece was featured in Velvet Magazine, June 2025.

How you can support Stars

Stars, based on Newmarket Road in Cambridge, uses one-to-one creative and talking therapies to help young people navigate their grief journey.

The service can only continue its work through charitable donations and will always welcome new supporters.

To become a supporter, and learn more about Stars, click here or use the make a donation button at the top of the screen.