Bruce Leeke, Ormiston Families Chief Executive, asks why more children are turning to AI for advice
Sometimes the most important thing a child needs is someone who will listen without judgement.
That sounds simple. In practice, it can be surprisingly difficult.
For a young person struggling with anxiety, loneliness or low confidence, talking to an adult can feel like an enormous step.
What if they think I’m being silly?
What if they don’t understand?
What if I say the wrong thing?
And what if, instead, there is something at the end of a phone screen that will listen immediately, never look disappointed and never tell them they should have handled things differently?
For an increasing number of young people, that something is artificial intelligence.
We should pay attention to that.
Not because AI is the answer to children’s mental health. It isn’t.
But because the reasons young people are turning to it tell us something important about what they need from the adults around them.
Why talk to a machine?
One of the most powerful things we see at Ormiston Families is what happens when a young person realises they are in a space where they will not be judged.
We work hard at creating that environment for them. And we see the results.
They don’t have to have the right words. They don’t have to pretend everything is fine. They can simply start talking.
That same sense of psychological safety may explain some of AI’s attraction.
A chatbot is available at two in the morning. It doesn’t interrupt. You can type something, delete it and try again. For a teenager who finds face-to-face conversations difficult, that can feel liberating.
Young people are also used to technology. They already use AI to answer questions, solve problems and help with schoolwork. So why wouldn’t they ask it about how they are feeling?
The problem is that being good at answering questions is not the same as understanding a human being.
A useful tool – but not a person
I don’t think we should pretend AI has nothing useful to offer.
It can help a young person put difficult feelings into words, suggest ways to approach a conversation with a parent or teacher, or explain mental health terminology in straightforward language.
For some, it may even be the first step towards recognising that something isn’t right.
When The Nuffield Foundation spoke to young people aged 14-24 for a study last year, they called AI ‘a digital stepping stone’ to in-person services like those we run at Ormiston Families.
But we have to be careful about what happens next.
AI doesn’t know the family circumstances behind the words on a screen. It doesn’t see the change in someone’s behaviour. It doesn’t know that the teenager who says they’re “fine” has stopped going out, isn’t sleeping or has barely eaten.
A human being can notice those things. If they are then referred to services like ours, a mental health professional can assess them.
AI cannot reliably do either.
So we should never allow technology to become a substitute for human relationships or professional help.
We shouldn’t push young people towards AI
If a young person chooses AI because it feels less frightening than talking to an adult, our response shouldn’t simply be: “You shouldn’t be doing that.”
We need to ask a more difficult question:
Why does talking to a machine feel safer than talking to us?
If they believe AI will listen without judgement, perhaps the lesson is that we need to become better listeners.
If they are worried that telling an adult will lead to criticism or a loss of control, we need to show them that asking for help doesn’t mean losing control.
For parents grappling with this issue, my advice is simple: start with a conversation rather than an interrogation.
Ask what they use AI for. Ask what they like about it. Ask whether they have ever used it when they were worried or didn’t know who else to talk to.
And then listen.
Don’t immediately tell them AI is bad. If they feel judged, they may be less likely to tell you what is really going on.
Help them understand three things: AI can be a tool, but it isn’t a trusted adult. It can give an answer, but that doesn’t mean the answer is right. And it should never be the only place they turn when something is seriously wrong.
The real opportunity is not to choose between technology and people.
It is to use technology wisely while making sure that, when a young person finally decides they are ready to talk, there is a human being there who is ready to listen.
Because sometimes the most important thing we can offer a child isn’t an answer.
It’s a safe place to ask the question.
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